If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In America we eat man semen.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
