I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
