I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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