I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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