Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
