i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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