Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize