i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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