I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
