I've blown a few things in my day
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
