We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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