11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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