We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
