there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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