You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
