Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize