and i looked up. we had an audience...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
