So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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