I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
