This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My life is pants optional.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
