She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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