Joe is yelling at the trees again.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
