I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
