A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
