PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
