Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
