Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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