So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
