how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
