I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The struggles of a small town man whore
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
