In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize