and you said cock pushups were impossible
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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