Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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