once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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