i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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