Don't you send me to vm
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
