Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Life is so much better after having sex.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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