I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
