Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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