I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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