put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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