do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
