So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
