I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
