I got chris browned last night
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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