now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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