Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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