She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Someone signed my nipple.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize