Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
