i think my tv is drunk
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
