He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
