i don't like sucking hair
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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