Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize