Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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