haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
