A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
being pregnant is like rehab
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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