Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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