She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
