my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
