party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
