I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
