I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
